Love & Dumpsters: A Lesson in Teenage Hormones
by sableambiguity
Summary: AU. Follow our beloved characters through the lulz of high school. Comedy, angst, drama, violence, and even romance; nothing is sacred. A crack drabblefic. Various pairings, mostly Zutara.
1. First Day

**A/N:** Be warned. This fic is meant for lulz. As such, some characters might be a tad OOC, but hopefully still believable given the AU setting. All these drabbles will be stand-alone, but also mesh together to paint a whole picture (if all goes according to plan). Since it's a drabblefic, don't expect cohesive chapters; also keep in mind that things might not always be in strictly chronological order.

Reviews are welcome—as are suggestions of more crack to include!

A:tlA is not mine. This is your standard and solitary disclaimer.

* * *

**title ;** First Day

**characters ;** Sokka, Katara, Jet

**rating ;** K+

**word count ;** 945

* * *

"Sokka, _please_ get out of there before someone sees you."

Katara had big plans for her first day of high school. None of them involved fishing her older brother out of a dumpster.

Thankfully, he was nice enough to duck back out of sight when a few of the other students shuffled by. She pasted on a wobbly smile, tugged at one strap of her backpack, and once they were out of sight, figured it didn't hurt to try again.

"_Please_, Sokka. You're going to embarrass me."

"Hate to break it to you, Sis, but I'm not getting out." He cracked a grin, scratching the back of his head before he flicked a piece of trash off his shoulder. "Oh, and I didn't get in here by myself so I've already been seen…kinda."

"_What_? You actually got someone to help you in there? _Why_?"

Sokka sent her another attempt at a grin that, considering she was growing steadily aware of how much he _smelled_, wasn't doing much for him. "You don't think this will play with the ladies?"

She was getting impatient. Lunch would be over soon, and she'd only found him because she knew better than to think he would voluntarily skip a meal. The day that happened she'd also expect the world to come to an end.

"Just let me help you out, okay? I have to get to class and I am _not_ letting you ruin today for me."

Apparently her glare was enough to change his mind. Or it could have been the fact that she'd just cry when they got home and then there'd be even more hell to pay. Either way he caved and took the arm she offered him to scramble up and out of the mess.

_Finally_. She could pinch her nose with one hand and use the other to brush off his back for him. No one would be the wiser—

"Dude, I know you're not rich like some kids, but dumpster-diving?"

Katara froze. Her back was to their audience, but she read something akin to horror on her brother's face. He sputtered out a nervous, "Oh, hey, Jet. I, uh—"

The so-called Jet took a step closer. "Who's this? Your girlfriend?"

With that, she whirled around, coming face-to-face with a crooked smile and a raised brow. "I'm not his girlfriend, I'm his sister. And for your information, he wasn't dumpster-diving either," she snapped, facing Sokka again with a look that promised a lot of grief for him later for putting them in that position to begin with. "Come on, let's go."

"Hey now," Jet said, throwing his hands up to feign innocence. "I was just joking, sweetheart. No need to run off." Those same hands crossed in front of him, his expression the epitome of smug. "So, Sokka, what were you doing hanging out in a dumpster?"

Her brother broke into an awkward chuckle, rubbing his hand on the back of his neck. "Well, see, it's kind of a long story…"

Jet stayed where he was, expectant.

"Ah, I kind of ran into Zuko earlier—"

Understanding dawned on those roguish features, that same smirk sliding back into place across Jet's face. "Gotcha." Sokka briefly slumped in relief, before the other teen's focus flickered back to his sister, gaze turning dark with another realization. "So I haven't seen your sister around before. New here?"

Before Sokka could answer, Katara cut in with a clipped, "Yes, it's my first day. Now can we please go? I'm going to be late to class."

"First day, huh? That makes you a freshman." That smirk remarkably grew at least an inch.

She was about to offer a pert reply along the lines of _wow, someone's a genius_ when she caught the pained look from her brother. 'What?' she mouthed, with a confused look back at Jet. He just watched with growing amusement.

"Look, Jet," Sokka tried again, even taking half a step forward as if to shield Katara from the taller male. "I asked Zuko to dump me, you know? Like a trade, right? And he promised not to bother my sister."

Jet nodded along, but something about that expression still on his face made Katara uneasy. That, and his gaze was trained on her like she was some kind of meat on display. "Better say 'thanks' to your big brother. Unfortunately…"

Before she even knew what was happening, he'd brushed past her lanky brother to hoist her over his shoulder, sending her that wolfish grin from just a nose's breadth away—before he unceremoniously dropped her in that blasted dumpster. "Your brother didn't make a deal with me."

As she floundered to regain her footing amid the piles of paper, food leftovers, bags and other things she didn't even want to _think_ about, she was shouting an indignant, "Hey! You get back here and _apologize_!"

Once she managed to right herself, she saw he was already walking away, one hand in his pocket while the other lazily waved off her protests. "Don't take it personally, sweetheart. It's just tradition." He stopped mid-step, pivoting just enough to send her a wink over his shoulder. "Shame, though, because you're pretty cute." His hand formed a phone that he put up to his ear with another smirk and a mouthed, 'call me,' before he continued on his way, ignoring a couple of girls who giggled and blushed a few yards away.

"You're _not_ calling that jerk," Sokka's voice broke through her rising anger.

She snapped. "This is all _your_ fault! I can't believe—_Ugh_. Just help me _out_ of here!"

So much for a first day.


	2. Payback

**title ;** Payback

**characters ;** Azula, Ty Lee, Mai, Jet

**rating ;** T

**word count ;** 336

* * *

Ty Lee was unconvinced.

"I just think pink might make more of a statement. Why can't it be pink?"

"Because pink lacks authority," was Azula's curt reply.

"And it's ugly," Mai added.

Ty Lee frowned, glancing down at the very pink outfit she'd chosen to wear that day. Everyone couldn't have her impeccable fashion sense, she supposed. "But black is so _serious_."

"This is a very serious matter. No one snubs me without paying for it." The self-proclaimed princess shook the spray paint can, dropping it with a hiss when greasy black paint sputtered over her fingertips. On second thought, "Here, you do it," accompanied her shoving it in Ty Lee's direction.

"Do I have to? I was in the dumpster too and I don't think we need to _lie_ to get back—"

"Who says it's a lie?" Mai and Azula both smirked.

Ty Lee was _still_ unconvinced. "Have you really seen—"

"Of course not," Azula snapped. "But with an ego like that he's clearly compensating for something. Why, I'm doing the girls of this school a _favor_. Now write it, Ty Lee. I'm not going to dirty my hands more on account of that jerk."

"Oh, please. It'll wash right off your fingers. Let's just get this over with already," came from Mai's unimpressed corner.

With a resigned sigh, Ty Lee gave the can a shake and aimed, just in time to be stopped by Azula's hasty, "Wait."

"God, what now?" Mai had the sense to fall silent under the younger girl's withering stare.

"Mai's right, this paint will wash right off. We need a more permanent way to make our point." _Her_ point, but who was counting? "Mai, give me your knife."

# # #

Jet realized something was wrong the third time a girl burst into giggles when he cracked a smile. Either he'd lost his touch overnight or—

—someone had kindly scratched 'Jet bats both ways with a really short stick' onto his locker.

Payback was a bitch and her name was Azula.


	3. Complex Mathematics

**A/N: **Thank you so much for all the reviews, alerts, and faves! This next drabble finally introduces the Zuko/Katara arc.

And don't forget, if there's anything lulzy you as a reader would want to see, don't hesitate to let me know. You might see it show up in future drabbles! :3

* * *

**title ;** Complex Mathematics  
**characters ;** Katara, Zuko, Jet, Suki, Azula  
**rating ;** K+  
**word count ;** 784

* * *

Trigonometry was easily Katara's favorite subject.

Never mind that she was mercilessly teased as being a complete nerd for taking the course in her freshman year. Never mind that the teacher smelled like stale coffee and dusty books. Never mind that they had at least three pages of homework a day and pop quizzes every other.

In trigonometry, _he_ sat next to her.

Alright, she sat next to him. She'd been so ridiculously (secretly) excited that there was an empty seat next to the cutest boy in class. …But it was only that one time. She still held out hope. After all, they'd actually had a _conversation_ that first day, which was more than she could say for most of her classmates.

Of course, by conversation, it really went something like this:

"Hi," from her, with a blush, after she'd taken at least two minutes to get up the nerve.

"Hey," cut in from behind her.

Unfortunately, that wasn't part of her script. For a moment she floundered, before stuttering a slightly flustered, "H-hi," for the benefit of the saboteur.

"You really don't need to take notes in here. Teach just reads from the book."

"Oh. Uh, I like taking notes. I'm much more of a visual person, see, and so writing everything down helps me, you know…"

"Look smart?"

"Yeah. I mean, no, of course not. …what?"

Then the boy who'd interrupted smirked, and when she started to think maybe falling in a hole would be nice, _he_ stepped in to save her.

"Give her a break, Jet," he said, and she had to fight the rising urge to hug him—or give him the silliest, stupidest grin ever.

But in the end all she could do was stare, and after pointedly clearing his throat, Jet's snicker from behind her made her realize her savior had already turned back to his notebook without a second thought for her.

He didn't look at her again.

Maybe it wasn't the best impression. But she was sure if she could just see him again, then she'd be able to form coherent sentences and show him how _nice_ she was. (And sure, she thought she was smart, but so what?)

Three days later she hadn't seen him again but in passing and her hopes were flagging. It was time for some advice.

"Suki, there's this guy…"

She was sweaty and gross and feeling more angsty than usual. Suki, on the other hand, had barely worked up a sweat after beating every single girl in their PE class at tennis.

"Really? Where'd you meet him?"

"Um, well, it's kind of an interesting story. I sat next to him in trig the first day—"

"Ooh, and let me guess, he asked to borrow a pencil or something, right?"

"No, _better_. He defended me." Kinda.

"Really? Details. Now."

She hadn't just giggled. Had she? "Well, Jet—"

Her friend lifted up a hand to stop her, while pulling a face. "Oh god, Jet. Don't tell me it's him."

Katara just gave her a _look_.

"Okay, okay, forget about that. Is your guy cute?"

It was time for her to blush again. "I think so. Even his scar—"

Suki almost choked on the water she was chugging. "Are you kidding? Scar on the left side of his face?"

"Yeah."

"Black hair? Tall? Smells like smoke?"

Cue a dreamy sigh. "Yeah."

But instead of fawning with her, Suki laughed. And laughed. And laughed.

Katara knew she had to be tomato red by that point. Clearly she'd missed something. She never would have said anything if she'd known it was hopeless, and was already kicking herself for choosing _Suki_ of all people to confide in. She'd tell Sokka and then—

"Katara, let me give you a heads-up. If you're serious about getting to know that guy, you'll make yourself a lot of enemies. And I do mean a lot. He's got _fangirls_. Heaps of them." At the dejected look on her friend's face, however, Suki couldn't help but take pity. "But check out the parking lot behind the gym during third period. Odds are you'll see him there. Most days, Zuko uses his study hall to smoke."

# # #

Azula hated Suki with a burning passion.

But the auburn-haired girl was a killer athlete, and even Azula had to admit such a strong adversary would make a strong ally. She was fully prepared to offer the girl a place in her scheme for total school domination.

That was, until she heard her giving some insignificant peon advice about dating her _brother_.

At least Suki was right about one thing: Katara would have plenty of enemies. Unbeknownst to them, she'd just made her first.


	4. Phase One

**A/N:** I'm a lousy updater. My life's crazy busy. I think I got one review saying they'd cry if I didn't update--never fear, I will update! It just takes awhile sometimes.

Reviews do keep me motivated. :) And if you readers have any suggestions, I'd love to hear them!

* * *

**title;** Phase One  
**characters ; **Azula, Katara, Zuko, Jet  
**rating ;** K+  
**word count ;** 589

* * *

When Katara's locker door slammed shut, she was surprised to find a pair of golden eyes staring at her from only a few inches away. Unfortunately, it belonged to the wrong sibling.

"Hi, Azula," she offered cheerfully, adopting a smile despite that every instinct in her body told her to _flee_. While she didn't really know her all that well, it only took so many times overhearing conversations about _destroying the enemy_ in the locker room to decide it was best to steer clear of the other girl.

"You're taking trig, aren't you?"

It was apparently a rhetorical question. Before she could so much as nod, Azula went on, "That must be why Zuko's been talking about you."

Katara literally felt her jaw drop. Zuko? Talking about _her_? It was too good to be true.

Knowing Azula, it really _was_ too good to be true. Sure enough, before she'd formulated a response, she heard, "Don't worry, I spared you any awkward conversations and told him you're taken."

"Wh—what?" The little butterfly that had flapped to life in her stomach suddenly crumbled into a pile of ash—in her mouth.

"You know, taken." Azula shot a look at Sokka who was lounging across the hall, waiting for his sister to get her books so they could head home.

The first thing that flashed through her mind was _Oh, gods, my life is over._ The second was _Ew, Sokka?!_

Later she could wonder where her priorities were at. Now, she managed to squeak out, "He's my _brother_."

"Pity. If I'd known that, I wouldn't have told _my_ brother to forget about you." Of course the look on her face said that was a lie.

Katara missed that in her sudden panic. "Well… Tell him you were wrong!" (Because ordering Azula around had always worked in the past—not that she had much of a past with her.)

Azula just smirked. "Why don't you tell him yourself? He's probably out smoking now."

Without another word, Katara was off—and just short of running.

# # #

"I don't have a boyfriend."

Too bad that came tumbling out of her mouth before she could stop it—and before she realized Jet was standing _right there_ with his own cigarette dangling from his lips.

Zuko just gave her a puzzled look.

"I mean, Sokka's not my boyfriend, he's my brother."

Another look.

"Azula said—"

Something like understanding finally seemed to dawn, but was interrupted by Jet, roguish smile out in full force when he interjected, "Zuko, I think the girl's trying to say she wants a date for the game this Friday night. Am I right?"

Truth be told, Katara didn't know _what_ she wanted, but that sounded almost too good to be true. All she could do was nod.

"Right then, I'll pick you up at six."

…Wait. A date with Jet was definitely _not_ what she wanted. "What?"

Jet gave her another wolfish grin, one arm slung around Zuko (who was looking almost as bewildered as she felt). "Well, Zuko here's already got a date, so we can make it a double."

"I don't think—"

"Oh, come on, it's perfect. I'll see you then." A beat, a not-so-polite onceover, and the shmooze added, "Wear something blue." _And tight._ "It'll match those pretty eyes of yours."

Every girl liked compliments, but as she turned to walk away, she couldn't help but feel…

Manipulated.

# # #

And from the bushes just around the corner, Azula thought phase one of her evil plan had gone even better than expected.


	5. Neighbors

**title;** Neighbors  
**characters**; Sokka, Aang, Toph  
**rating**; K+  
**word count**; 627

* * *

"Hey, Sokka. Wanna play checkers?"

"Can't. Busy."

"Looking for something?" Otherwise, digging through boxes and trash cans in the garage looked awfully suspicious—to anyone with a suspicious bone in their body. Luckily for Sokka, Aang didn't have one. "Maybe I can help."

"I need to find my old boomerang. If Katara threw it out, I'll—" Sokka had the foresight to stop short, remembering his audience. Aang was one of those 'religious nuts,' as he called them; the last thing he needed was a lecture on how violence was against God's Word or something. "Just look over there and tell me if you see it."

"Okay."

It was only a matter of minutes before inevitably Aang was talking. Like always. "What do you need it for?"

"It's part of my master plan," came muffled from inside a pile of old winter clothes.

"Oh." A beat. "What's your plan?"

"Aha, I found it!" Sokka displayed the old toy triumphantly before cradling it close in an uncharacteristic display of cuddly affection. "With this, I can teach Jet a lesson and he'll never know what hit him."

From what Aang could tell, the thing was nothing but a piece of wood. A dusty, dirty piece of wood. "What are you going to teach him with that?"

Sokka just gave him a look. "You do know what a boomerang _is_, right?"

He didn't say anything. He'd already felt humiliated for a week when he told Sokka he couldn't watch R-rated movies and the older boy had laughed so hard he'd peed himself—at thirteen.

"Okay, well, when I throw this at the back of Jet's head, it'll come right back to me where I'm hiding, and he won't know what hit him. Literally. It's brilliant!"

"That… doesn't sound like a very good plan." He persevered through Sokka's eye-rolling. "Won't he find out where you're hiding when the boomerang goes back to you?"

Even the master tactician couldn't deny the truth of that one. "Okay. So maybe the boomerang isn't the best route to take. I think I have an old BB gun lying around somewhere…" Another box was shoved into Aang's arms. "Take a look through this one."

"Sokka, wait. You don't want to _hurt_ this guy, do you?" Aang looked traumatized at the mere thought.

"Of course I do. He's dating my sister."

The box Aang was holding fell to the ground with a thud.

_Everyone_ knew Aang had a thing for Katara, including Sokka. _Whoops_.

"Oh, hey, buddy, sorry. If it's any consolation I didn't really mean _dating_ dating, and I'm not sure Katara even wants to go—"

But it was too late. Aang had already taken off running.

# # #

"—and she's just perfect and pretty and I thought one day I'd ask her if she wanted some lemonade and she'd say yes and then we could go hang out at my church youth group or something and maybe—"

"Dude, you're _twelve_. Don't you have cooler things to do than worry about some chick going on a date?"

"She's not just some chick!" Aang huffed, pulling his beanie down all the way over his ears. "And what do you know anyway? You're blind."

"So? I've at least kissed a guy."

"Really?"

Toph smirked. "Well, I _think_ it was a guy. I am _blind_…" It was hard to laugh when Aang sounded like he was going to vomit, but she managed. "I'm _kidding_. God, lighten up already."

Aang didn't even have the heart to tell her not to take the Lord's name in vain. All he squeaked was, "You're not helping much, Toph."

"Duh. I don't give a crap about your girl problems. I just came to get my skateboard, and your feet are on it."


End file.
